I probably hit one of the lowest lows I have hit in a while. I will tell you that in the past to get out frustration I used to cut. It's still a struggle for me not to some days, but it seemed I couldn't control anything in my life, including my weight, and that was what I could. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good about myself, my stomach looked good and flatter then usual, but then I STUPIDLY ate noodles for lunch when I couldn't find anything else and my stomach seemed to grow a few sizes. Sooo pissed off at myself I am. I don't know if it's just self destruction or what, but I did something I'd never even thought about before. I kneeled over the toilet and began trying to make myself throw it all back up, maybe then my stomach would look flatter like it had only an hour ago. I tried and tried, but could not make myself throw up, only gag. I sat there on the floor crying because I am so frustrated about where I am. I should not look like this at 21 years old. I just shouldn't. I should be able to wear a dress tomorrow and not worry about my arms, thighs and stomach. I'm so tired of it. I'm just worn out.
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